Uh oh...

So hung out with Charlie again last night and this morning and I think I might actually be starting to like him...well...actually I'm not really sure lol

Cons: I hate how he's so loud and obnoxious in public all the time...I hate that he dips...I hate that sometimes he doesn't always tell me what I want to hear...I hate that he doesn't ravish me with free drinks and fancy dates.....

...but at the same time...

Pros: I love that he doesn't always tell me what I want to hear because if he did that would be boring and a lie...I love that he doesn't ravish me with free drinks and fancy dates because that really does simplify things sometimes and really does make it special when we do small inexpensive things like play catch and go for a walk...I love how I feel when I'm with him...so uninhibited like I can try anything...and there's never been something we've tried that I haven't enjoyed! He makes me feel beautiful in a way that no one else ever has...not just by saying it (which consequently he hasn't done), but by ravishing me over and over like he can't get enough...I love that things are so simple with us...I don't have to worry about what is said and what isn't said because we say everything to eachother...it's so relaxed when we're out with other people that we can even flirt and talk to other guys and girls but still know that we're going home with eachother...I'm just so comfortable with him...I even let him take a ton of naked pictures of me today for Christ's sake!! I never do that! At least not sober...and even when I was drunk that one time I never took in depth pictures and definitely none of my face...we had such a great time this morning just hanging out and fooling around and having sex...then afterwards he just held me and I fell asleep and woke up still in his arms and it wasn't weird. It was just nice.

I don't know...I think I might be in trouble with this one...I have to keep far away until I know that he feels the same way...wait...what am I even talking about, he's made it very clear that he's never going to feel the same way so I just need to either stop or get over possibly having feelings...this is the other problem...is it actual feelings I'm having or is it just a friendship/sex feelings...caring cause of the friendship and appreciative of the earth shattering orgasms he gives me...I would just stop because I know he would totally understand and support my decision, but I don't want to because the sex is so amazing!!! Maybe this weekend when he goes home will be a good break for us...although I hope we can hang at least once before then, especially since I have Wednesday off and he's supposed to leave Thursday night...

I honestly hope that he doesn't end up staying there all weekend cause of his ex....or actually I don't know, maybe it would be good for him to see her so he can GET OVER HER!!!

I need to stop...the second I start to have feelings for him...it's over...FUCK.

I just need to start seeing someone else or give myself space or something...

on the up side....WORK IS GOING EXCELLENT! :)